Monday, August 22, 2005

I didn't order floss with my lobster!

The Great Chaffy once described Maine as, "so famous for its light that photographers and artists come from all over the world to capture it. The light is ever changing, sometimes with subtlety, sometimes with drama, and our house is so positioned with its east/west orientation looking east over the water that we have a ringside seat for this daily drama. Chaffy hit the nail on the head. Yesterday was our third day off and we spent most of the day driving from Pittsburg to Portland, Maine. Mike and I had looked online for a seafood restaurant and came across Cap'n Newick's. Lobster Ahoy!!


It was two miles from where we parked the bus and Chris, Mike and I cheerfully walked twenty minutes day dreaming of what the Cap'n had in store for us.


I started with Newick'’s Famous Chowder followed by some serious Lobster Newburg, chunked lobster meat in a sweet cream sauce over philo dough. Everything was amazing until I pulled a 7 inch hair out of my bowl.


I showed our waitress and she was really embarrassed and had a second plate made which was more amazing than the first. Dessert was fresh Maine blueberry cobbler. Yes!!!!! My whole meal cost $10.86. I welcome hair.

After dinner we moved the bus to a mall parking lot and Ben, Paolo, and myself ended up going to the movies. I talked the manager into letting us see Four Brothers w/ Mark Walberg for six bucks. After the movie we got invited to stay and screen 40 Year Old Virgin and Valint. While the previews were showing some girls began throwing “bomb bags” around the theater. They were small foil bags filled with some non toxic chemical that explodes after squeezing. The employees were yelling and insulting each other. It was total chaos. Ben put it best, “I would normally say something to the guy yelling but it'’s the manager.” Newick's and a triple feature, all for under 20 bucks. Now that'’s a straight-edge party!

We'’ve had massive drives on this tour. The first was from Tampa to Detroit. Midway, we parked at a Super Wal-Mart outside of Nashville for the night. Warren'’s friend George picked us up after a gourmet dinner at subway and took us to his place. We sat around for a hour or so wondering what the heck we were going to do. Then George asked "“Do you guys want to go to a party?"
"“What kind of party?"”
"“Like a college party. School starts next week so some people are getting together tonight."
"Dude!!! I'’ve got my camera! Let's do this!"

Fifteen minutes later we were surrounded by guys in pastel polokhakitucked tightly into kaki shorts topped off with severely creased baseball caps. There were way more dudes than girls. There was a five or six to one ratio happening. Sausage fest 2005!



The Grateful Dead provided a lack luster soundtrack to a low energy game of beer pong.

Beer Pong

We mingled around for a while but there wasn'’t much going on at first. I sat and marveled at the abundence of pastel, stripes, and mandels. I was super bored so it was time to take this party up a notch. I began to get a little rowdy. It was some guys 21st birthday, so to celebrate he decided to take a couple of keg stands. Being that I have never drank I have never actually witnessed a keg stand, this was absolutely hilarious! People were holding him up cheering. I got really close to the tap and began screaming at him. It was on!


Guys were wearing two types of shirts. Either a polo three button or full frontal button up. The guys that chose full frontal were, for the most part, rolling, two buttons deep. Unacceptable. This was a party! I began demanding that everyone roll at least 4 deep.


If they didn'’t want to, I opened their shirt for them. One kid didn'’t want to roll deep at all so I made him trade shirts with me for the night.

There was nothing out for me to drink so I checked the fridge hoping for a ginger ale but only found Coke. I also found a stick of butter that needed to be eaten by a drunk frat guy. We emerged from the kitchen yelling, "“Stick of butter for ten bucks! Who wants ten bucks to eat this stick of butter? Get into it! Get some of this!"” No one was going for it so I upped it to $13. The extra three dollars was the deal breaker for Daniel. He walked up, unwrapped, and bit in.

Daniel first try
(the guy in the back is wearing my blue shirt)

Immediately dry heaving, Daniel put down the butter and shamefully stepped back into the shadows. Will stepped up to finish what Daniel started. The first bite was confident and triumphant.


Everyone was cheering and yelling. The second bite was followed by a heave so he chased it with beer.




Keep in mind it was only 9:30. Will was starting his night out right! Bite three looked like he wasn’t going to make it so I upped the stakes by offering another $10 if he puked on someone. Each bite went down slow with a chaser of warm beer. By 9:40 Will had taken down seven tablespoons of butter and a full red cup of beer. He earned twenty three dollars even though he didn't puke on someone.


We hung out for a little while longer and then went back to the bus. Party’s over.

The next day was the DTE Energy Amphitheater in Detroit. When Dillinger first began playing the only sound between songs was the war cry of a lone metal head standing in the seats holding a guitar shaped carafe of beer thrashing as hard as humanly possible.


Greg called him out and dedicated a song to him which made the dude’s year. I ran into the audience to take photos of the dude and decided to bring him and his friend up front.


They freaked out and began to head bang even harder once they got some front row action. There crowd was way into the show but unfortunately most of the Dillinger fans were way in the back with lawn seats. Even though they were at least 50 yards from the stage, they were singing and moshing on the sidewalk! Greg gave them a shout out so I ran up to the back and pulled the sidewalk pit down to the front. The seven guys I grabbed turned into 150 guys rushing the barrier.


It was amazing! Everyone was singing along and freaking out! It felt like a Middlesex hardcore show.


Mike Portnoy from Dream Theater was watching on the side of the stage super stoked. We exchanged glances so I walked over.
"I hope I don'’t get in trouble for playing Pied Piper."
"I'’ll make sure you don't get in trouble, man. That was awesome!"
After the set everyone went back to their respected seats and I never heard a thing from management. Good times.
More to come....


Anonymous nate said...

i can't believe you posted the thing from chaffy.

frescalating dusklight,


8/22/2005 4:15 PM  
Blogger Isabelle said...

You have got the life, boyee. Why don't you come home? I need a rubdown bad!


8/23/2005 4:18 PM  
Anonymous troubled teen said...

We're afraid to go with you Bluto, we might get in trouble! Pied Piper, priceless! Butter off dead. We like hair explosions! Khakis ahoy!

8/23/2005 8:23 PM  
Blogger Teen said...

that was the funniest thing I have seen all day. Thanks, Jason!
Visions of mandels, ribbon belts and popped pastel collars dancing in my head.

8/26/2005 11:34 AM  
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10/11/2005 2:17 AM  

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