The 12 Commandments
After my bus to Ramallah was bombed I decided to spend my last week in Israel in a rental car exploring every corner of the country. After winding through Galilee, the Golan Heights, Nazareth, and Haifa I decided it was time to head south into to sands of the Negev. Jamie, Yuda, and I drove from Haifa straight the Mizpe Ramon Crater. Mizpe Ramon lies in the heart of the Negev between Beersheba and Elat and was once part of the ancient spice route. It is about 25 miles long and between 1 and 6 miles wide. The plan was to camp for a night somewhere inside the crater then get up the next day to search for the flour cave, Rambo’s cave, and Masada. The flour cave was rumored to be coated in a fine white chalk located in a gorge on the Amiaz Plain. Somewhere in the hills North of the Amiaz Plain and close to the Dead Sea was the cave that Rambo fell into while fighting the Russians in Rambo III. (It was supposed to take place in Afghanistan but filmed in Israel.) Once in the cave he cauterized himself with gunpowder and a match to seal an arrow wound in his side. After reliving Rambo’s pain we would head to Masada to relive the courage of the Jews holding back the Romans.
NOT MY PHOTO The Craters edge. (I did not know how to use a camera on this trip)
I was driving the smallest cheapest two door rental possible with a signed contract stating not to drive “off road”. There were three of us, a guitar, and gear all over the car. We picked up food in Beersheba and headed straight to Mizpe. We descended into the crater and wandered the roads checking out the different geological oddities. We arrived on the late afternoon and began to look for a place to camp after a hour and a half. As we wandered the dirt roads we came across a sign, “4x4 Only.” We parked and walked down the path to see how bad it was. I definitely had four wheels and can definitely drive a car most anywhere. Bring it!
The Ford Fiesta did us well for the most part. The road was rough with rocks and gravel but not terrible. There was a decent amount of scraping involved and every couple hundred yards the guys had to get out of the car so we wouldn’t bottom out. I definitely got stuck a couple of times going down steeper ledges but the guys pushed me out no problem. The problem came about 45 minutes down the trail. The drop was to big for a two door hatchback to handle. I found this out the hard way. Not even 4 inches onto the drop I bottomed out really bad and thought I put a hole in the gas tank. It took the guys thirty minutes to get us out of that one. There was a steep small hill I could try to get over which would put me crossing a huge flat rock and then dropping down to the sand which seemed doable. The guys tossed the small rocks out of my way and stood on the other side of the hill to coach. I drove up slowly and once I got the rear wheels at hill’s base all I could see was the sky so I hit the gas hard. I sat looking into the clouds going nowhere. I coasted down and tried again with more juice. I flew up and over scraping the crap out of the bottom. I drove across the flat rock for 50 feet then dropped onto the sand and hit the trail. Get some!
We drove another ten minutes and found a good place to camp. It was sandy so I naturally did donuts around bushes, trees, rocks. We were in the middle of no where just keepin it real. We looked around for a good place to set up camp and decided to set up under the little overhang of a huge rock.
Time to build a fire. We grabbed the stones that lined the path to make afire pit. There were dry trees everywhere so we pulled a couple of small trees and bushes out of the ground and dragged them over to camp to be torched.
Tofu hot dogs were the meal of the evening. Jamie pulled out his guitar after dinner and we sang and yelled for a while. The three of us fell asleep gazing up at the stars. I couldn’t get over that I was falling asleep on the same land David, Moses, and Abraham used sleep on. It’s still hard to grasp.
I woke up the next morning to an Israeli Solider standing over me taking my photo. What the hell was happening? He started yelling at me and continued taking photo’s. I kept on saying AMERICAN over and over. Yuda and Jamie shot up and everyone began shouting in Hebrew. The solider calmed down and kept on talking with the other two guys. Off in the distance I saw a line of people walking arranging the rocks that lined the road. This looked bad.
Apparently we weren’t supposed to be camping there. The solider was really pissed and was taking us to jail for some major fines. We didn’t get cuffed but we did get escorted. Yuda was the only Israeli citizen so he had to ride in the soldier’s Range Rover. We carefully maneuvered around all the rocks just as well as the range rover until we got to the big drop. Jamie got out and threw the path rocks out of the way as I retraced my steps by driving off the trail, up across the flat rock, and then attempted to get over the hill which was steeper on this side. The Solider was waiting on the other side and couldn’t see where I had gone. It took me a couple of tries but I backed up and soared over the hill almost leaving the ground. I shot the solider a thumbs up and we were on our way to jail. “Did your friend do that on way the in?!” I was so proud I made it over that hill I was smiling ear to ear. He led us to a sign before taking us out. There were 12 rules boldly displayed in white. We had broke nine of them. I felt horrible. I mean really horrible.
I don’t remember every rule we broke but there were three that the really stuck out.
“Do not leave trail” – There were donut tracks in the sand
“Do not touch the plants” – not only did I touch them, I ripped them out of the ground and burnt them!
“No Fire” – our fire had made a huge black stain running up the side of the rock.
The Soldier told us there was a water hole just over the hill from our camp site where Ibex drink. They frighten easy and we had been up all night yelling and singing most likely keeping them from drinking. Pants were officially off!
He didn’t cuff us or put us into a cell. We waited in the break room as he figured out our punishment. He wanted to fine us individually $100 for each rule broken. $2700 worth of stupidity!!!!!! I didn’t have $900 bucks. I told him repeatedly that I honestly didn’t see the sign and would’ve never touched a bush much less tear it out of the ground and burn it had I known. I felt really American just driving into a crater yelling and burning things. After 2 hours of pleading we were let off with a modest fine of $100 each. We drove north towards the Amiaz Plain bummed out and embarrassed. The Flour Cave was in a gorge and we wasted many a minute looking for Rambo’s Paradise. Time was slipping so we had to give up the search for Rambo, skip Masada, and get back to Jerusalem to return the car. I have never felt so stupid as the moment I stood in front that sign realizing how bad I had just screwed up.
NOT MY PHOTO The Craters edge. (I did not know how to use a camera on this trip)
I was driving the smallest cheapest two door rental possible with a signed contract stating not to drive “off road”. There were three of us, a guitar, and gear all over the car. We picked up food in Beersheba and headed straight to Mizpe. We descended into the crater and wandered the roads checking out the different geological oddities. We arrived on the late afternoon and began to look for a place to camp after a hour and a half. As we wandered the dirt roads we came across a sign, “4x4 Only.” We parked and walked down the path to see how bad it was. I definitely had four wheels and can definitely drive a car most anywhere. Bring it!
The Ford Fiesta did us well for the most part. The road was rough with rocks and gravel but not terrible. There was a decent amount of scraping involved and every couple hundred yards the guys had to get out of the car so we wouldn’t bottom out. I definitely got stuck a couple of times going down steeper ledges but the guys pushed me out no problem. The problem came about 45 minutes down the trail. The drop was to big for a two door hatchback to handle. I found this out the hard way. Not even 4 inches onto the drop I bottomed out really bad and thought I put a hole in the gas tank. It took the guys thirty minutes to get us out of that one. There was a steep small hill I could try to get over which would put me crossing a huge flat rock and then dropping down to the sand which seemed doable. The guys tossed the small rocks out of my way and stood on the other side of the hill to coach. I drove up slowly and once I got the rear wheels at hill’s base all I could see was the sky so I hit the gas hard. I sat looking into the clouds going nowhere. I coasted down and tried again with more juice. I flew up and over scraping the crap out of the bottom. I drove across the flat rock for 50 feet then dropped onto the sand and hit the trail. Get some!
We drove another ten minutes and found a good place to camp. It was sandy so I naturally did donuts around bushes, trees, rocks. We were in the middle of no where just keepin it real. We looked around for a good place to set up camp and decided to set up under the little overhang of a huge rock.
Time to build a fire. We grabbed the stones that lined the path to make afire pit. There were dry trees everywhere so we pulled a couple of small trees and bushes out of the ground and dragged them over to camp to be torched.
Tofu hot dogs were the meal of the evening. Jamie pulled out his guitar after dinner and we sang and yelled for a while. The three of us fell asleep gazing up at the stars. I couldn’t get over that I was falling asleep on the same land David, Moses, and Abraham used sleep on. It’s still hard to grasp.
I woke up the next morning to an Israeli Solider standing over me taking my photo. What the hell was happening? He started yelling at me and continued taking photo’s. I kept on saying AMERICAN over and over. Yuda and Jamie shot up and everyone began shouting in Hebrew. The solider calmed down and kept on talking with the other two guys. Off in the distance I saw a line of people walking arranging the rocks that lined the road. This looked bad.
Apparently we weren’t supposed to be camping there. The solider was really pissed and was taking us to jail for some major fines. We didn’t get cuffed but we did get escorted. Yuda was the only Israeli citizen so he had to ride in the soldier’s Range Rover. We carefully maneuvered around all the rocks just as well as the range rover until we got to the big drop. Jamie got out and threw the path rocks out of the way as I retraced my steps by driving off the trail, up across the flat rock, and then attempted to get over the hill which was steeper on this side. The Solider was waiting on the other side and couldn’t see where I had gone. It took me a couple of tries but I backed up and soared over the hill almost leaving the ground. I shot the solider a thumbs up and we were on our way to jail. “Did your friend do that on way the in?!” I was so proud I made it over that hill I was smiling ear to ear. He led us to a sign before taking us out. There were 12 rules boldly displayed in white. We had broke nine of them. I felt horrible. I mean really horrible.
I don’t remember every rule we broke but there were three that the really stuck out.
“Do not leave trail” – There were donut tracks in the sand
“Do not touch the plants” – not only did I touch them, I ripped them out of the ground and burnt them!
“No Fire” – our fire had made a huge black stain running up the side of the rock.
The Soldier told us there was a water hole just over the hill from our camp site where Ibex drink. They frighten easy and we had been up all night yelling and singing most likely keeping them from drinking. Pants were officially off!
He didn’t cuff us or put us into a cell. We waited in the break room as he figured out our punishment. He wanted to fine us individually $100 for each rule broken. $2700 worth of stupidity!!!!!! I didn’t have $900 bucks. I told him repeatedly that I honestly didn’t see the sign and would’ve never touched a bush much less tear it out of the ground and burn it had I known. I felt really American just driving into a crater yelling and burning things. After 2 hours of pleading we were let off with a modest fine of $100 each. We drove north towards the Amiaz Plain bummed out and embarrassed. The Flour Cave was in a gorge and we wasted many a minute looking for Rambo’s Paradise. Time was slipping so we had to give up the search for Rambo, skip Masada, and get back to Jerusalem to return the car. I have never felt so stupid as the moment I stood in front that sign realizing how bad I had just screwed up.
posted by Jason at 1:45 AM
2 Comments:
That's my boy!!
Dude, tofu dawgs are pants down: NO BUENO, Torch-boy! Looks like Nancy understands, though. Ibex and llamas mixin' it up in the pit!
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